5 Reasons why Father Christmas is NOT a good role model

1) He’s obese and as we’ve all learned from the media, this is very, very bad. Children are getting fatter because the health and safety morons have taken away all the fun moving related activities and the media have scared all the parents into believing there is a bad man around every corner. Well guess what, there is – he’s called Father Christmas and you let your children sit on his knee every year!

2) He promotes breaking and entering, theft and getting everything you want for no work. C’mon, if he was an everyday person he’d be the work-shy dole scrounging bloke who has an arrested record as long as your arm but no actual convictions; or he’s the dodgy bloke in the pub who knows a guy, who knows a guy who can get you cheap stuff – no questions asked. Really, not the sort of person you want your kids to look up, forget ‘Grand Theft Auto’, it’s Father Christmas you have to look out for.

3) He drinks and drives. Every year the is a pretty shocking advert somewhere on TV warning you against drinking and driving, it gets worse over the Christmas period and apparently this is when you’re most likely to drink and drive. There can’t be anything wrong with it if Father Christmas can keep control of those reindeer whilst moving at unbelievable speeds… heck, we even encourage him by leaving boose out for the guy. Talk about enabling! Plus the amount of air traffic has increased over the years, mark my words one day the Christmas Day news will feature a horrific story about a Boeing 747 full of children colliding with sleigh, Father Christmas will be alright but he’ll get a couple of points on his licence.

4) Speeding. See above.

5) He runs a sweat shop. Think about it, those poor elves have to work all freaking year round to produce toys for Father Christmas and I bet they don’t have a union that guarantees them regular breaks and the right to take time off. No, they’re basically slaves – sure you could argue that they are doing it voluntarily but as ‘Elf’ reminds us, there aren’t that many career opportunities for elves.

Something really should be done about this. Forget those propaganda films that promote the image that Father Christmas is just this jolly fat guy with impressive facial hair, no, the truth must, nay, needs to be told. Father Christmas is a dictator who exploits the native elf population forcing them to work gruelling hours all year long to satisfy our demands, we must put a stop to this at once.

Join the stand, boycott Christmas until we can topple his regime and implement a health democracy and free the elves from their slavery.


One comment

  1. Scott (SHC1970)

    Hmmm, does someone need a Christmas cookie to cheer them up?

    You make some good points, and I agree Santa needs to take a closer look at what he’s doing and maybe tweak a few things; however, your argument seems to use bits and pieces of what we’re told about Santa while ignoring potential “outs” for the big guy.

    For example, we are told Santa is “a right jolly old elf” not human.

    As an elf (or at least some form of magical being), is he perhaps immune to the effects of alcohol? And if he’s an elf, perhaps he’s been democratically elected to the position. Maybe “Santa” over the years has actually been a character played by many individual elves. Look at how Santa’s portrait on Coke bottles has changed over time.

    While Santa’s habit of breaking and entering is tough to excuse, I don’t know if I can agree he promotes “theft.” Come on now, his “gift giving” actually spurs millions of others to purchase and give gifts that the would otherwise not have given. In fact, the threat of no gift from Santa is used to discourage misdeeds such as theft.

    He is overweight. There’s no denying that. But, perhaps it’s a glandular problem and he just can’t help it? Maybe it’s the physical toll that using his magic for good takes on his body. I think we have to acknowledge that 1) very few people are leaving carrots and celery out there for him, it’s cookies… cookies… cookies, and 2) he’s not pressuring anyone else to eat like he does. In fact, he gives away a good number of “active” toys: footballs, treadmills, bicycles…

    In closing, I have to say I find your attack on Mr. Claus to be unjust. And, I must admit to wondering if perhaps it’s one bad Santa who’s turned you against the whole ensemble who represent the character.


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