My horoscope for this month, curtesy of Diva, is scarily accurate. I often plan how I would take over the world and establish a totalitarian dictatorship…


Nightmare: Orwellian
Mathematical Interpretation: >=

I’m pleased to report that your longstanding ambition to set up a totalitarian dystopia is finally realised this month, Aries. Adopting the role of an omniscient elder, you deploy a troop of swineful underlings to instigate  your cruel and unusual policies whilst peddling a stream of outrageous propaganda. Luckily your evil empire is eventually overturned by pop sensation Beyonce, confirming the suspicion that if there is hope, it lies in the Knowles.


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